Whispers of the Heart

One of the things that I love the most about following Jesus, is that by now I have learned, that if God brings something up in my life, I can rest assured that it will keep coming up until I understand the deeper point that He wanted me to understand. I don't have to sit for hours, agonizing and trying to figure it all out. God will, in His time, reveal.

This morning as I sat down to spend time in the word and read through my devotional (Abide), the same themes of the last month, whispered again.

  If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. ³ For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
⁵ Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. ⁶ On account of these the wrath of God is coming. ⁷ In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. ⁸ But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. ⁹ Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. ¹¹ Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
¹² Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³ bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴ And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. ~ Colossians 3:1-15

Beauty

Thoughts on beauty have been pressing in over the past few months. It began when I decided it was time to try online dating. Did you ever have those times where you are surprised by a bunch of junk that comes up again when you thought you were over it? Yeah...
  
All of a sudden, there I was, back at the start...struggling with feelings of worth and beauty once again. My thoughts began to drift to, "Who will even contact the "fat" girl?"  Ugh. Really? Then there was the day, I dressed up in my most beautiful dress...and happened to be at my parents' house that day. All little girls, even the all grown up ones, want their daddy to think they are beautiful. My dad that day...said nothing. Old Agreements, 1, Freedom, 0.  And down the spiral went. 

I know deep down what's true--that in God's eyes I'm beautiful...and that's the message that I thought Jesus wanted me to understand. I think, in part, it is. My perspective has changed over the past three weeks, in part because I have resolved to trust the Lord of the Universe.  But there's also this:

" As we strive to look beautiful, we need to encourage one another to be beautiful."  That's what Colossians brings to light. Looking upward to a God that is the ONLY one who can transform our minds, our lives, and create something beautiful. He's created us beautiful, both inside and outside, and it's with a focus on His truth, that this comes into play. 
  
"When our desire for outer beauty marries our desire for inner beauty, integration will take place in our lives and we will be standing on the edge of transformation.We will be drawing into the deepening places." ~Macrina Wiederkehr

And that brings me to theme #2. Inner beauty...

Mine needs some cultivation. One area that I feel Jesus tapping on my heart is in regards to 

Thankfulness. 

 And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 

That's where my heart is going to dwell this week. More on that later...

Agreements

After graduate school was finished and the school year was winding down, I began to discover that the television binge I had been on was beginning to lose it's luster. Food was tasting like cardboard. Wine wasn't appealing. Books remained on the shelf...and phone calls were avoided.

What I didn't know...couldn't see, because I hadn't taken the time to see, was that God was moving. Like He always does, waiting to heal wounds, encourage movement, and draw near.

A few weeks ago, as this dissatisfaction with everything else was happening, I knew that I was going to be taking quite a few long car trips and so I logged onto the library website to find an audiobook to listen to on these rides. I had this sense that God had something to say, and might be leading me there...so I searched and searched through pages until I could hear that gentle spirit in me pushing me toward one over the other. It was the first time I had stopped to ask and to listen in a non-desperate moment in a long while. I suppose I had been too busy trying to fill my life with such fulfilling things.

I began listening to Walking With God: Talk to Him, Hear from Him, Really. by John Eldredge. It's a memoir of sorts, over a year of John's life as he sets out to seek God and to listen to His voice. I've known for a long time that God can be heard...I've experienced that kind of love and movement in my life before...it's the other things I didn't expect to learn, that I suspect is just what God wanted me to hear and recognize.


The book talks of agreements. Agreements that we make with the world, with lies, with ourselves, that the world is just one way over another and there is nothing that we can do to change that. That instead of running full force after the healing that God longs to our into our lives, we settle for a partial truth, a lie that life can't be more than what it is...

And that's when I began to see them. Everywhere I turned. Agreements I had made with lies from the world. Agreements that I don't need to listen to. I could trace some all the way back to their roots if I stopped to think about it...which to be honest, is not something that I really want to do. But I know that Jesus is moving. In my heart and in my life...

So for a while, my blog posts are going to be about the destruction of such agreements, and the truth that God reveals. To do that, I'm going to need to listen, and draw near...I've got to trust that God will do the rest.

Fresh Start

That was the title of the Bible app's reading plan that I found today, and it was also the spirit of my heart this night...

and it has been a long time coming. For a heart that is prone to longing, loneliness, and despair, I really needed this night with my Father. It has certainly been a sweet one.

"And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new...I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end." ~Revelation 21: 5-6

I've been walking this Christian life long enough to know that this peaceful contentedness might leave me tomorrow...that life and all its...life... might crowd back in, but I know too that God can always be found.

I know that in order to develop the heart of thankfulness and graciousness that will combat what my heart leans toward, I need to be aware of the things that are blessings, so I am beginning today with counting the things that I took the time to revel in and be truly thankful for today, not just things I saw at a passing glace.

1.) A day of healthy eating...without temptation & stuggle
2.) An unexpected long lunch with Mom
3.) Fruitful heart talks with my assistant teacher
4.) Progress in my students...even those with the most struggles
5.) Discovering the song, I Shall Believe by Matt Brouwer, and the way that it spoke to my heart today

I pray that this fresh start be truly that...in my spirit, heart, and mind.
Amen.