God of my Everything

Recently, Bebo Norman's song "God of my Everything" has been the theme song of my heart. Every cry of my heart is sung in those words and it speaks the only truth that is important at the end of the day...that He is truly God of my Everything.

"God of my hope, God of my need"
Hope...hope for the present, and hope for the future. Hope that in the present He will continue to build the community of believers that I am allowed to be a part of at Vita Nova. I am gradually getting used to the idea that it's ok that I left the church plant that I had poured my heart and life into for 3 years, and even though that still hurts and feels strange...that God gave me that gift because He is the God of my need. That I can continually get to have conversations and be part of a life where people want more of Him all the time, and truly strive to love one another where they are while all the time encouraging one another to reach for Jesus is still amazing to me. I can feel me coming alive. It makes me see my sin and my depravity more clearly, but it also makes me see grace and gifts with such clarity and freedom. Hope in the future as I am convicted to pray and trust God for a husband...that that doesn't mean I am not content. It means I am placing a desire of my heart in the hands of the Only One who is in control. And God actually loves to see me trust Him more, even as I struggle to do that.

"God of my pain that no one else will ever see"
 All the pain of life- of living with endometriosis  with all its swinging hormones and headaches and what they tell me is fibromyalgia. The physical pain of chronic illness, of struggling with feeling like a failure because I can not get my body to do what I desire it to do. That limitations that slow me down and frustrate my heart. The pain of not measuring up in so many eyes, of not being the perfection I want to be. 

"God of my healing, God of my strength"
 He is allowing me to rest...to find rest and beauty and strength in the everyday moments. He is taking this time, I know, to first heal my heart. To help me to see that I am beautiful and worthy and precious in His sight. To show me that no matter what, He is my Provider even when I am afraid and want to take control and do it all myself. That even though I am afraid of just about everything-- He is turning that fear into Faith.

"God who is always and will forever reign"
In a year where I have watched more people than I care to count choose a life that is not one with Jesus, I figure that leaves a person with two options. To press in, or give up. I don't know when or where or how I chose to press in. It looks a bit messier than my rational mind figures it should, but at the end of the day...I know that God is. And that He reigns. And I figure that's the best thing to know for sure.

I hope to blog more often than I have this past year. To use this as a place to share, and hopefully minister to others with my honesty. To show that even though I am broken, that He is

God of my Everything.

Ain't she a beauty...

This year, with all the Christmas festivities, my parents and I decided to wait until after our extended family dinner and travels to open each other's presents Christmas day. My cousin asked me before we left the family party if Santa had been good to me, and I replied that I had no idea, but I'm sure that he was. My mother whispered something conspiratorially in her ear, and she smiled and told me that Santa was in fact good to me.

Little did I know!

I'd been looking forward to getting snowshoes for Christmas as I had so much fun snowshoeing through Quabbin last year. I pretty much figured that's what I would get since it's the only thing I mentioned I wanted.

I did get snowshoes, and I thought that was more than enough. I never even imagined that the one kitchen item I dream about would be waiting for me underneath the tree!!!

I opened up this beauty and spent a few moments stroking it's beautiful box. When I finally brought it home and got it onto the counter, I spent a few more moments talking to it, and letting it know I was so glad to see it on on my counter. I know. I know. I'm strange. But I have a Kitchenaid Mixer. In teal. And it's all mine!

I had gotten a Barnes & Noble gift card from my aunt and uncle/Godfather on Christmas Eve so one of the first things I did was go online and purchase the cookbook I have had my eye on for a while:

Of course I was itching to make something that I could use my new mixer for so the first thing I did was make the Morning Glory Muffins that are inside the book!

The muffins I baked are made with almond flour, coconut oil, organic unsweetened coconut, carrots, apples, eggs, and craisins (changed from the recipe which called for raisins). The mixer basically did all the work for me as I put all the ingredients into the bowl and let it mix and mix until the batter was nice and creamy.

The muffins are earthy and rich, while still having a light sweet flavor. I've eaten them every day this week, and they have been very filling. I am a girl who craves protein so it was a nice protein-hearty, healthy way to start  my days this week. Please leave a message if you'd like the recipe or email me! I'd love to share. Of course, I made sure to share some of my muffins with "Santa".

Morning Glory Muffin Joy

Gold Stars, Good God

My cute cousin Melissa and I

Year after year, the new year begins, and there we have the dilemma of the New Year's resolution. Mine is always weight loss. Every new year, I think, "This is it. This will be the year." and then somehow I defeat myself with my overly high expectations and lofty goals.

That's what happened following January of 2011. From January until April there was the crazy spiral of weight loss expectations and failures, which only resulted in more eating out of frustration and need of comfort.

I went to Disney World for my 30th birthday in April with two of my cutest and skinniest friends, and was so discouraged with myself. But, I also had some time on my trip to spend learning more and more about grace, and God's deep and abiding love for me. And when I returned home, I knew that I needed to trust Him, and His goodness enough to give this area of my life over to Him. And so I do...every single day. Some days are better than others.


I joined Weight Watchers in the middle of May, and to date have lost 45 pounds. It's easy sometimes to either berate ourselves into trusting God more or get self-righteous when we have accomplished some of our goals...

so my New Year's resolution this year is to lean into my relationship with Jesus, and to continue to give Him thanks and praise for the things He helps me to do.

This year is going to be amazing. I know it. I can feel it.There's a lot more weight to lose, and a lot more to learn about Jesus.

I'm ready! Bring it on!!